Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving! What a complicated holiday! On the one hand it is fantastic that we have a holiday that is specifically dedicated to gratitude - to gathering together with family and friends and expressing thanks for each other and for what we have. It’s amazing! 

On the other hand – families, right? Some of us are super lucky and have families that we just love to get together and celebrate with; others of us dread having to get together with our families because there is so much dysfunction and conflict; and probably most of us have an experience that is somewhere in the middle: mostly fun, but with some regrettable moments, or maybe just anxiety about that big blowup that could totally happen, depending who says what.

So how can we adjust our attitude moving into this emotional grab-bag of a holiday, to maximize chances of a safe and healthy outcome? Here are a few ideas:

1) Set your intention. Before everyone comes together, choose a simple anchor: “I want to stay kind”; “I want to stay positive”; “I want to remember that I love these people.” Setting an intention ahead of time can help guide your choices in the moment.

2) Keep expectations realistic. Families don’t transform because it’s a holiday. If it’s what’s reasonable, aim for “good enough” connection, not a Norman Rockwell painting. 

3) Set small boundaries. If you need an out, you don’t need to make a big speech. Try small moves:

• “I’m going to grab some water.”

• “Let’s talk about something lighter.”

• “I’m not up for that topic today.”

4) Regulate in real time. When emotions spike, come back to your body: feel your feet on the floor, soften your shoulders, take one slower breath. Your nervous system sets the tone more than your arguments do.

5) Give yourself an exit ramp. Plan when you are going to leave, or have in place a reason you may need to leave a bit early. Knowing you can leave helps you stay present.

6) Regulate alcohol intake.

This may be the elephant in the room – we all know that alcohol lowers social inhibition and can lead people to say things they otherwise would not. You can be moderate in your consumption even though it is a holiday. Often this is by far the best option.

If this season brings warmth, we hope you soak it in. If it brings complexity, we hope you meet yourself with patience. You don’t have to be perfectly calm or perfectly cheerful. You just have to be human.

Wishing you a holiday full of steadiness, connection, and room to breathe. 🧡