Passive-Aggressive or Just Insecure? Let’s Talk About It.

We’ve all seen it—and let’s be honest, we’ve probably done it too. :)  Passive-aggression can show up as sarcasm, backhanded compliments, procrastination, or going over the top with a requested change just to prove a point. It’s frustrating, confusing, and often leaves both sides in the interaction feeling unheard.

But where does it come from? And how is it different from insecurity?

Passive-aggressive behavior is frustration or resentment expressed indirectly instead of openly. It often stems from a fear of confrontation or not feeling safe enough to be honest.

Insecurity is a feeling—the fear of rejection, of not being enough, of getting it “wrong.” It can lead to different behaviors: shutting down, over-explaining, or sometimes becoming passive-aggressive.

How They Connect: Insecurity can fuel passive-aggression, but they’re not the same. Someone might be passive-aggressive because they don’t know how to communicate their insecurity, but not all insecure people are passive-aggressive.

So how do we break the cycle when someone we are in relationship with is being passive-aggressive

-Pause and reflect: What might be the real feeling underneath this?

-Encourage open conversation: “If something’s bothering you, I’d love to talk about it.”

-Create a safe space: People lash out when they don’t feel safe being honest.

-Set boundaries: If passive-aggression is a pattern, address it directly.

At Ever Human Therapy, we help people untangle these patterns—whether you struggle to express your needs or are dealing with someone who avoids honesty. Learning to communicate openly, set boundaries, and work through insecurity is a process, but it’s possible. You don’t have to do it alone.

Post Written by Stephanie Pelland